| I'm having a terrible night tonight. so xanga will do for now. so I go to bed about 1:30..its really hot in the room and because I live in a shitty dorm there is not a way to cool the room off besides the window being open. the wind is blowing in every other direction but the direction of my room. so it is hot as hell in here right now..I've been there I know! so I'm laying here with darth vaders breathing machine going on about 3 ft from my head which I try not to let it bother me but it does. still trying to go to sleep but nothing happens. I have the worst headache in the world. You know one of those head aches that that....that keeps you up at night when you really want to just sleep it off...thats it! but every situation I try to lay my head it still hurts too bad to sleep. I've never hallusinated anything in my life. all the sudden the room starts to kinda turn and these spirits move up the wall and almost into me and I open my eyes...it is somewhat normal just the feeling of nervousness in side of me...so i go to close my eyes again and my heart starts pounding worse than before...I find myself being afraid to close my eyes again..I do and all the sudden it happens again those damn spirits dressed kinda like nuns from what I remember are swirling again.. i really makes me sick to my stomach. and I decide I can't sleep...so I get up and keep thinking about it I get sicker and sicker to my stomach...so I go and vomit in out porseline throne...while I'm throwing up I realize my nose is bleeding.. but I look around for toilet paper..none to be found our glorious suitemates have taken in 2 Serbians that have a home they just don't want to go there..so they stay here and use our toilet paper. so I scrounge up enough paper off the brown tubes on the floor to stop my nose up and get it plugged. and go steal a roll of toilet paper from teh next room.. and now my night has resulted in not sleeping witha head ache and a bad bloody nose...writing on xanga...does it get any worse-see next post I guess.. Jacob |
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| eerrrybodyindaclubgettintipsy |
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| I think I need a sunrise. |
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| classes are back in session and it has been so stressful. my school happens to be prominant for that. I just step on this campus and become engulfed in so much responsibility. it is good though..I don't want to dwell like I have in the past of what I can not change.. I don't like being here..that is understood..now I have one more year to preservere. and maybe it would be possible to grow from my declining intrest in this area in my life but I digress. I have so much to be thankful for, yet I miss that in the distraction. choices are going to be disected better this year..that is defenatly a goal. oh well who cares I'm gunna have fun no matter what and get through this year |
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| maybe it is what I am soppose to do but I have come to the level of where I want to mature. Not just physically and mentally but spiritually... living by myself has allowed me to open up myself and realize that I can do whatever I want to do, (maybe that is the problem in America today..humm) it is so accessible to associate your self with the things we want..when i want to do, buy, have something I do it, buy it or get it. it is ridiculous how easy life can be. my comfort doesn't associate myself with happiness. I try to connect comfort and happiness. where is that heart of mine that allows me to care and be aware of my surroundings. it is an akward position to be in, to know what you expect and not see results. |
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